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Love Is Love Is Love Is Love

I can’t begin to describe the moment I knew. I think it was always there but society deemed it negative, and not normal. Two women couldn’t legally be together was bad enough, but also it will never be accepted as someone’s truth. I could never be open with even close friends and family about how I felt. Sure, over time some shows and movies showed that love can be non heterosexual, but it will never be enough. People are set in their own ways and then in turn people repress their feelings.

I fell in curiosity, fell in lust, and most importantly, I did not fall in love, but I did fall in an unhealthy obsession when I repressed my feelings. Why is it that I had to go either from repressed and 0 % to obsessed and 500% you ask? Well, I can answer that for you: ignoring, insecurities, self-hate and not understanding the depth to which I was hurting. Bisexuality: something I didn’t understand for a long time. All you know is you are open to the idea of love with both sexes. But that’s also not true, that's the way it is advertised. It’s messier than that. You can fall in love with both sexes but choose to pursue only your “straight” side, or the opposite, you may be more into pursuing the same sex. You may only want to have sex with a woman but not date them because you see no future. Same if you flip to men.

Why is bisexuality not as clear as heterosexuality? Why is it not “simple”? Well because love and hormones don’t always agree with each other. Would I personally choose this sexuality over hetero? Would “more options” mean I have a better chance at love? Unfortunately that’s not true. No matter how big the dating pool is, finding love and “the one” is really hard. Remember that there are so many people on this earth and only one you are compatible with enough to spend your whole life with them.

What is love? Love is fire. Love is spark. Love is also pain. Love is mistakes and tough situations and how you get through them. So one thing I always wondered is why someone else’s vision of love for themselves is predetermined as not valid? Why is someone telling you that their vision of love is THE way and yours is wrong?

Why is B in LGBTQ not properly considered a part of the community? Why do people need to “choose” ? It just doesn’t make sense to me. Sexuality is fluid. It’s not what we thought as kids. There are many versions of “normal” and there is more than one true standard. Anyone like me, who is in their 20s long ago has had to unlearn things from childhood.

Why is it also hard to actually feel a part of the LGBTQ community even if you identify with some of the values presented? Because labels aren’t always inclusive. There’s a lot of biphobia and misunderstanding about what bisexuality even is. The community honestly sometimes doesn’t know what it is talking about on certain topics because it is so complex and has many meanings to it.

All someone who is bisexual can ask for is an ear to listen to, an ear to understand, an open ear and patience to allow the person to explain what it means to them. All we ask for is no judgement. There are reasons I’m not open to discussion sometimes. These are some of them. And it feels like one step forward is 2 steps back when I become open about it. Hopefully one day people will be more understanding.

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